This morning Ruby and I were sitting in the bathroom together, as we occasionally do. I finished up my business and waited for her to finish hers. For no particular reason I started singing “Ring of Fire”. It’s one of Ruby’s favorite songs, and I’ve got a tendency to burst into random song at random times.”He’s dead,” Ruby said after I’d finished the chorus.”Who?” I asked.”Johnny Cash is dead,” Ruby said. I was impressed that she remembered who sang the song, and even more impressed that she knew he’d died.”Yes,” I said, “he died a few years ago. But he lived a long time, so that’s okay. Most people live a long time, and then they die.”I’m not one to shy away from the topic of death with Ruby. Death is a natural part of living, and one of my goals as a parent is to give her a holistic view of the world. I told Ruby that most people live a long time, but some people don’t. And I told her that everything dies: people, animals, trees, everything dies, because that’s an important part of life.”But Papa”, Ruby said, “who will be my parent if you die?”This was an unexpected question. Not just the transition from death of random people to the death of me, but the more insightful understanding that if I died, then I wouldn’t be around to take care of her. From the worried look in her eyes, I could see that Ruby has a good understanding of what death means.I told Ruby that if I died, then her Mama would take care of her. And if Mama died too, there would be a long line of people who would be there to take care of her: her Aunt Ni, Bebe and Pop, Nana and Grandpapa. She wouldn’t have to worry about that. And I also told her that I would probably be alive for a long time, so she wouldn’t have to worry.”Will you come back?” she asked.I told her that was a complicated question, and that some people think I will, but that I think I probably won’t.”You should come back,” she said.”Well, I’ll try, Ruby, and if I can, then I will.”She paused for a few moments, thinking about it.”You should come back,” she said again. Then after a few more moments, “I love you.””I love you too,” I told her, and that is a great way to end a conversation about death.
